Is God actually any good?

A story of our family's journey in faith. 

Is God actually any good? 

A taboo question for sure, but one that many have asked through gritted teeth and with a tear stained face. How can a God who causes hurt be any good? If he truly has the power to help, heal, comfort, and save and then doesn’t how is that considered good? …

It was a cold fall morning. I don’t remember the year; I suppose I could look it up. It doesn’t much matter. We had lost 2 babies to miscarriage at that time; maybe a third. Hard to keep track. There were 4 miscarriages in all followed by a few years of unexplained infertility. I was sitting at our dinning room table that morning looking out our French back patio door. There was no patio just a 2 acre field that backed up to about 40 acres of corn. That was my spot to sit, drink coffee, and read my Bible. I’ve never been a marathon reader, but like to read a passage or a few verses to keep me focused.

I don’t remember what passage I was reading that day, but the events that took place are burned vividly into my memory. Mid-verse with no ques taken from the passage that I was reading the Holy Spirit abruptly carved into my soul the most abrasive and cruel script that I could have imagined, “You need to thank me for taking your babies.”

Thank him! Thank?! I remember coming up short on my next breath as I shoved my bible back and my chair out simultaneously. My heart raced, and I felt a cacophony of anger, hurt, and betrayal. My mind raged and my ears pounded. I didn’t want to finish my coffee. I simply finished putting on my suit for the day and walked out the door to go to work.

I didn’t pick up my Bible for the next few days. The most recent inscription on my soul still burned like vinegar in a fresh wound. All the grief caused in miscarriage came flooding back in crushing waves. The boxed up baby blankets given to us by friends seemed to mock us with their emptiness. The simple and cruel comments from well-meaning friends asking when we were going to start our family, and why we didn’t have any kids yet stabbed deep and new. Somehow someway I was supposed to thank God for this? There was no way. How could he even ask me such an unfair question?

Days passed and the inscription remained, “You need to thank me.” I did pick up my Bible again. The pain gave way to more pain and confusion, but the anger somehow eased. Something was happening to my heart, but I could not betray myself this right to hold this, and I could not by any means betray the hurt of my wife by thanking God for hurting us so badly. I cannot tell you how much time passed, maybe as little as seven days, but I had changed. I wanted to thank him. I wanted my heart to be thankful, and I had to tell my wife, but how?

Scared to abrade my wife the way that the Holy Spirit did me, I walked up the half flight of stairs in our split-level home where my wife was fixing her hair for the day in our hall bath. Through a shaky voice and teary eyes I told her what the Spirit had laid on my heart. She began crying immediately, but not in anger. With a quivering lip she muttered, two words that I will never forget as long as I live “me too” she said simply and quietly with a pure and trusting faith that was truly humbling.  We both agreed that we were not ready but that we would tell the other when we were ready to thank God. We parted ways that morning knowing what we had to do, willing to somehow do it, but unsure how we ever could.

God kept working on us each individually in the coming weeks. That morning did eventually come. I was sitting in my chair, having coffee, and reading a passage, when I truly was able to thank God for hurting us so badly. That still doesn’t make sense to me. It’s bitter on my tongue even as I type this years later. I did not understand. It took me a few days to work up to courage to confess this absurdity to my wife. How do you even do that? Bewildered and unable to wait any longer, I remember laying in bed next to my bride that evening. “Babe, I thanked God for it.” Her reply was sweet and broken, “Me too honey” We held each other and cried.

That awkward and cruel test lingered at the surface of my thoughts and emotions for several years. Did God just want to toy with our hearts and see if we were surrendered to his sovereign will? How can that God actually be any good? Why did he do that to us?

Late in the summer of 2014 we were contacted by a wonderful family asking us to adopt the daughter’s unborn baby. We agreed not knowing that Julia was carrying a child. With no guarantee that Aleah’s birth mom would sign adoption papers after the allotted 48 hours after she was born and no guarantee that Julia would carry a baby full-term we decided to go for it, and sure enough we ended up with 2 beautiful girls just 3 ½ weeks apart.

February, 2015 I was with my brand newborn daughter, Aleah. I had flown down to Florida for her birth while Julia was late term with our second daughter, Anne back in Colorado. I found myself swaddling a newborn awaiting a release from the state of Florida so that I could get back to my wife in Colorado with our new little baby. Sometime that week while I was getting to know our new baby, staying up through the night with her, diapering, bottling, swaddling, and burping her, the Lord spoke gently to my soul as he tenderly touched the old scarred inscription he had left years ago, “If I hadn’t taken them you wouldn’t have accepted her”. Sobering moment and He was right. It was all so clear now. I new that the four children that we had lost were safe with the Father, and that the hurt that we had experienced was not meaningless.

I thanked him again, and I do often. If he had to made our home and our arms empty then we would not have the kids that we do. This year we are thankful for many things. Among those things are countless tears, inexplicable pain, and confounding abrasive faith lessons.

Whatever your hurt; let God work in his own time. Let him lead you. Allow him to hurt you. Understand that your pain is not meaningless. I wont ask you to thank him for it. I’ll leave that to Him. I cannot promise that God will turn things around and give such a quick answer as to the question of why like he did for Julia and I. All I know is this, God is actually good, and we can trust him.

So who actually "ruined" the sanctity of marriage?

Gut check

So I wanted to ask the question, "Who actually ruined the sanctity of marriage?" 

It's super easy to blame the courts or a specific group of people, but if I may,

I'd like to offer some thoughts. Let me know what you think. 

So fellas, how are we doing with our lust? I know - you're fine, and you have a handle on it, but really, how are we doing? How are we interacting with the office girls? Just park here and think on that for a sec. Sure, they are fun to talk to. No argument there, but how are your thoughts and emotions toward them? When was the last time your thoughts were solely consumed with your wife when you were with your wife instead of lingering on what's walking by or on who you got to share lunch with that day? 

Ladies, how is your thought process working for you? Nobody wants to address that huh? Would you say in your inner most self that you are wholly given to your spouse? Are you more emotionally attached to your favorite movie / TV star than your husband? How are you and your guy friends? Are they really just friends? No need to be honest with me, but between you, yourself, and God do you get a pretty good kick out of flirting with the fellas? A few butterflies maybe? After all, you're pretty, they like it, and you like the attention. Heaven knows that's not your fault. If you got the attention you deserved at home you wouldn't be looking around right? 

Matthew 5:27-28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 

Can we apply that to all of us, husbands and wives? 

I don't mean to be rude on this next point, but how are your vows doing? Did you rip up your last set over a dispute? I realize that couples struggle with one sided infidelity and often no reconciliation can take place, but how many times has pride, hurt feelings, and immaturity rendered a so called sacred marriage null and void? 

Let's not get all up in arms over a certain group desecrating the sanctity of marriage when we are allowing our world leaders to practice infidelity, our sports heroes to desecrate the holiness of that union, and while we ourselves are secretly dishonoring every vow we made at an altar or in a court house to be united in Holy matrimony. 

Am I advocating gay marriage on the basis that straight couples have messed up? No not at all, what my hope is, is simply that we might wake up and realize who really has desecrated marriage. Who set the tone for gay and lesbian marriage to become commonplace, acceptable, and a civil right? 

Straight couples have taken marriage and made it into what they want it to be for years now. We are o.k. with a little lust, a little flirting, a little infidelity, a few friends with benefits, divorce when convenient, lies when necessary, and secrets always. Humanity has done to marriage what humanity does best. We belittled it. We scuffed it up. We made it of little value. How then can a court system of the people who does not represent a populous that is demonstrating sacred marriage, that is not demanding fidelity of their leaders, that does not have God as their guide, or the Bible as their moral compass make any other decision than what they made on Friday, June 26? 

Given the standard that we as straight Americans have set, the court made the right decision in allowing a group of people to make marriage whatever they want it to be. Given the word of God and the very definition of holy matrimony, we as a nation straight and gay can all take blame for messing that up. 

So before we go blaming someone else for desecrating the sanctity of marriage let's take a good long look inside and ask ourselves the hard questions. What are we doing to protect it? How are we preserving it? How are we respecting it? 

Stuck At the Intersection of God and Life

In the time in History when there was no King in Israel the Bible says that every man did what was right in his own eyes.

In today’s Christian movement it seems that we want to boycott every other business or investor who makes a stand in support of a group of people that we disagree with. I would like to use the example of Mr. Howard Schultz, CEO of the Starbucks Corporation. He was harshly and, in my opinion, rudely challenged by an investor with very conservative morals and very loose Christianity if any. I won’t focus on the comments to Mr. Schultz, but rather on Mr. Schultz’s response. He said,

“Not every decision is an economic decision. Despite the fact that you recite statistics that are narrow in time, we did provide a 38% shareholder return over the last year. I don’t know how many things you invest in, but I would suspect not many things, companies, products, investments have returned 38% over the last 12 months. Having said that, it is not an economic decision to me. The lens in which we are making that decision is through the lens of our people. We employ over 200,000 people in this company, and we want to embrace diversity. Of all kinds.”

I would like to pose a question to my Christ following friends. How on earth could Mr. Schultz have responded any better or any more polite given his decision making criteria? While I disagree with his financial support, I applaud Mr. Schultz response. I applaud his love for people of all kind, I applaud his business acumen, and I applaud his professional demeanor in the face of harsh statements.

May I remind us all that Christ did not come to this world to condemn this world, but that the world through him might be saved. The failure in this country morally is primarily a failure of Christians. We have been intimidated by laws like the separation of church and state which was put in place to keep the states from setting up one religion as the only religion which a people may practice. We have been intimidated into feeling like we can’t worship God in public. We have been intimidated into trading our moral compass for a politically correct GPS. We are the ones responsible for dethroning the King in Israel, so how can we expect anything more than what we have today?

 If we can start loving people like Christ did, if we can start introducing the King to the people, I think he can do a pretty good job showing them his investment preferences. I will promises you this though, if any of us truly allowed the King to reign in our hearts we wouldn’t be boycotting groups, telling the darkness that it is dark, or hiding out in a cocoon of religious safety. We would be out there seasoning everything with the salt of his word and touching every darkened life possible with the light of his gospel.

Salt is effective only when it is applied to the subject. Light is only effective when it is shown in darkness. Photo credit

Dialogue between myself and Congressman Visclosky

This communication may be of no interest to anyone, but I would like to encourage you to reach out to your representatives and try to get the results you want.

Dear Congressman,

Thank you for your service. Let me be brief as I am certain you are incredibly busy. I am beyond disappointed in my government right now. I am 28 years old, and I feel as though my government is creating a mess that I may not live to see us climb out of. I will leave you with these ideas as action points. I realize that my ideas are drastic and that they will hurt a lot of good people, but the time for tough choices has come and gone. The time for amputation of limbs for the body to survive is upon us. Please encourage your fellow congressmen to moxy up and get the job of rescuing our country done.

1. Cut our total spending to 50% of our total income – immediately!
2. Get creative with income.
1. Drill – now is not the time to save trees; it is time to save my kids future.
2. Reward businesses; don’t tax them so heavily. More employees equals more income tax. 
3. Start paying down debt.
4. Hold a businessman’s summit. Invite the top 2 employers in every state. Develop a business plan to rescue our nation. They will help you, and they will want tax breaks. Listen to them. They need the US to thrive, and they know how to make a business succeed financially. 

My dad taught me as a young boy that if your outgo exceeds your income you have a deficit and that’s bad. If your income exceeds your outgo you have a surplus and that’s good.

Please let me know how I can serve you. I want to be a part of the solution here.

Signed

REPLY FROM CONGRESSMAN VISCLOSKY

Thank you for contacting me to express your concerns regarding spending and the national debt.  I appreciate hearing from you.

I share your concerns.  I am deeply frustrated that Congress has repeatedly failed to legislate or make decisions that would fundamentally address our deficit, and instead lurches from one crisis to the next. The debate over the increase in the debt limit in August of 2011 failed to produce a comprehensive plan to reduce the debt, and instead led to the enactment of P.L. 112-25, the Budget Control Act of 2011, and the establishment of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction.  This Committee also failed to reach an agreement on recommendations to Congress to reduce the deficit by $1.5 trillion over ten years, ultimately triggering the sequestration process, which was initiated on March 1, 2013.  Even the debate over the so-called fiscal cliff this past December led to the enactment of a law that is neither balanced, nor comprehensive, and instead adds $3.97 trillion to our national debt, while leaving some of the most pressing tax and spending issues facing our country unresolved.

I believe that we need to make thoughtful, deliberate, and difficult decisions about reducing our deficit, and I have been working with members from both parties to cut spending where possible, but in a more thoughtful manner than the sequestration process.  As a member of the House Appropriations Committee, I worked with my colleagues in both parties to make discrete funding reductions that have already taken effect.  According to the Congressional Budget Office, we have reduced discretionary spending levels by $62 billion from Fiscal Year (FY) 2010 to

FY 2012.  These cuts were made thoughtfully, by evaluating each program on its usefulness to the taxpayer, making cuts to programs that have lost their usefulness while making critical investments where needed. 

I remain cautious of proponents in these debt discussions whom are intransigent in their commitment to not raise revenues and solely cut spending.  I would counter that Congress has already enacted legislation that reduce domestic discretionary spending by $1.4 trillion over the next ten years.  I also would point out that if we had eliminated all non-defense domestic discretionary spending in FY 2012, including funding for programs through the Department of Education, the Food and Drug Administration, the Federal Aviation Administration, and other federal government programs – and did nothing else – we still would have had a budget deficit of $472 billion for FY 2012.

I believe that if we are to truly address our growing national debt, our tax code must also be reexamined to ensure that more Americans and American companies make a contribution to our shared society.  I am frustrated that current inequalities in our tax code continue to allow some to take advantage of certain tax provisions, and pay a lower effective tax rate than what is fair. According to a study conducted by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, these tax expenditures cost about $1.1 trillion annually.

For instance, according to a report conducted by the Citizens for Tax Justice and the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy, from 2008 through 2010, 30 major U.S. corporations made a combined $160 billion in profit and did not pay any federal corporate income tax.  Additionally, in 2010, the top 25 hedge fund managers in the U.S. alone had combined incomes of $22 billion, but paid a lower tax rate than a police officer in Valparaiso, Indiana.  It is wrong that our tax code allows persons of great means to pay a lower tax rate than a person risking his or her life for our society.

That is why I believe that any serious proposal to reduce the debt must be all-encompassing, addressing all spending, including defense and domestic discretionary spending and earned benefits such as Social Security and Medicare, in addition to the other half of the equation: taxes and the inequalities in the tax code.

As debt reduction discussions proceed, I understand that difficult decisions will need to be made about revisions to the tax code and spending programs, and I assure you that I will be actively engaged in these deliberations to ensure such legislation comprehensively addresses our deficit.  It is paramount that we come together as a country during this time to ensure that incremental changes now for every person and every business will have immeasurable benefits in the future for our children and our economy.

Thank you again for contacting me.  Do not hesitate to let me know if you have any other questions or concerns.

Sincerely,

Peter J. Visclosky

Member of Congress

REPLY FROM ME

Dear Mr. Visclosky,

Thank you for your reply regarding spending and the national debt. May I say excellent work in helping to reduce spending by 62mm from FY 2010. I applaud your resolve and bipartisan efforts to reduce our debt. I am sure that took some very tough choices, but as I mentioned in my last letter; “The time for tough choices has come and gone. The time for amputation of limbs for the body to survive is upon us.” I am happy, but far from satisfied with cutting our discretionary spending by 62mm. I am not satisfied in the least with your answer to raise taxes. Raising taxes is the very last step in a long list of many that we want to see you take. Pardon my blunt attitude sir, but that seems like an easy way out.

A hard choice would be reforming welfare to a “feed the poor” food distribution system instead of a rewarding and enabling of those who qualify. A hard choice would be to take government jobs that are not profitable and selling them off to the private sector. Government officials make horrible businessmen, and your business is failing miserably. I would love to see us start using our natural resources, specifically oil, for our profit. I don’t care how you do it, but we have to make drastic cuts and create revenue in the trillions - and soon.

Please know that this is not a rip face letter. I am just trying to help you see that if you raise our taxes while continuing to spend like a drunken sailor you haven’t helped anyone. You have enabled the US to continue to make unwise choices. You have simply taken more money out of our pocket so that you can feed the beast that is our out of control credit card. I would ask Congress to please stop asking what the American people can do for you. How can you cut spending and increase revenues without gutting my retirement? I know I can’t count on my Social Security, and now you want my savings?   

As to your plan to raise taxes on businesses; that plan would be permissible ONLY IF it were met with an equal plan to give businesses tax cuts for hiring new employees and expanding their enterprises here in the US. A plan to raise the income tax while punishing those who put taxable individuals on your radar seems oxymoron. Why would the US not applaud job, and tax revenue creators?

I thank you for your hard work, sleepless nights, and continuous service, but please make more assertive choices. Please be more creative. Entire villages in third world countries die of starvation just feet from sacred cows that could have saved them had they killed and eaten them. The programs that we won’t cut for whatever reason are the programs that will outlive the greatness of our nation.

Please let me know how I can serve you. I want to be a part of the solution.

Signed Photo credit

Somethin ain't right here folks . . .

Average cost of an abortion    $450.00          

Average cost of adoption       $30,000.00

US Federal Revenue 2012      

2.52 Trillion

US Federal Spending 2012     

3.60 Trillion  

Since 1970 the median household income has increased by 24.2%

Since 1970 the federal spending 

has increased by 287.5%

We have a few things backwards, but we are the people right? 

Never underestimate the power of a democratic republic motivated to take control of their situation, and never underestimate the destructive power of a government whose people have decided that they can’t do anything to fix their situation.

John Wayne may have said it best. . .

"I’m gonna tell you something, Flaca, and I want you to listen tight. May sound like I’m talkin’ about me. But I’m not. I’m talkin’ about you. As a matter of fact, I’m talkin’ about all people everywhere. When I come down here to Texas, I was lookin’ for somethin’. I didn’t know what. Seems like you added up my life and I spent it all either stompin’ other men or, in some cases, gettin’ stomped. Had me some money and had me some medals. But none of it seemed a lifetime worth of the pain of the mother that bore me. It was like I was empty. Well, I’m not empty anymore. That’s what’s important, to feel useful in this old world, to hit a lick against what’s wrong or to say a word for what’s right even though you get walloped for sayin’ that word. Now I may sound like a Bible beater yellin’ up a revival at a river crossing camp meeting, but that don’t change the truth none. There’s right and there’s wrong. You got to do one or the other. You do the one and you’re livin’. You do the other and you may be walkin’ around, but you’re dead as a beaver hat."

See the man say it himself if you like. 

Video clip from The Alamo

So . . . I chopped down the tree

(Hang on, I’m going somewhere with this)

I have 3 beautiful 25’ Blue Spruce trees in my front lawn planted in a semi circle.

They provide shade and a little dimension to my landscape. But, there was a problem. I also had a 40’ Walnut tree growing at an awful angle. It shot out from the trio of evergreens like somebody trying to haul deck lumber in a Ford focus. When I first moved into my home 6 months ago I noted how ugly it was, but I also noted that it was incredibly tall and dangerously close to the power lines so . . . I left the tree alone. I noticed continually how diminished the growth of the evergreens seemed to be due to how many nutrients the Walnut tree takes from the soil, but I don’t have a chain saw so . . . I left the tree alone. I twisted my ankles several times on several walnuts while mowing, but all I had was a short axe with a cracked handle and a dull head. My grinder is worthless so . . . I left the tree alone.   

Then last Saturday rolled around, and I needed to mow the lawn, and I was doing fine until I twisted my ankle on another stinkin’ walnut. I stepped back and took a look at my spruce trees. They looked so pretty, but so thin and undernourished. I looked at my landscape and imagined it with no Walnut tree. I looked at the power lines and thought, “I think I could swing that.” So . . . I decided to chop down that tree. I walked down to my yard shed and retrieved that old axe I found in an abandoned garage. I ran my thumb across the blade edge and thought to myself, “Sharp as a marble”, and I almost decided to wait until I got a new axe, a better grinder, or a chainsaw. I shook off the hesitation and dug deep for a little resolve. Axe in hand I walked over to that eyesore and hit it with all my strength half expecting the dull axe to bounce back and half expecting the cracked axe handle to break. Neither happened and I had created a small notch. It took me about 30 min of sweat and determined tree chopping, and got a few blisters, but that tree is gone! My lawn has never looked as good and I think I have the last of the walnuts out of the grass.

All that to say this; the road to a better life isn’t convenient. None of us has the proper tools to tackle this mess we find ourselves in. Dig down deep; grab two fistfuls of resolve and American grit, and let’s fix this. Sure, it’s hard work, and we’ll probably come out with some wounds, but if we don’t like our landscape . . . who else are we going to blame? Chop down a tree. You’ll like the way you feel; I guarantee it.